remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
