I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
