Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
