if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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