dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
