It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
