Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
