You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
