Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
