I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
