I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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