ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Who died my cat blue again?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
