let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
