I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
