Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
