well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
