Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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