So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
