just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
