Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
