I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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