Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
