tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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