Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
