no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
