I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
