I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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