I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
