Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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