so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so let's talk penis.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
