i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
