Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
