So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Randomize
