Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
