I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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