I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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