I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
