we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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