She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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