Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
