is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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