I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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