Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
