she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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