THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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