im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
