Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
