i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
