I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
