Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if only i could text you this smell
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
